Mother over Wife: Caring or stupid?

Mother over Wife: Caring or stupid?

The primary partner for a man in a relationship is not always his woman. Could be anybody actually, and sure this person will take up a lot of his time and other resources.

In times like this, what comes to mind almost all the time for most females is that their man is having an affair. Of course, this is a possibility however, it’s not always the case. This write-up focuses on one of such reasons.

Closer to His Roots

His inability to be there for his partner might be because he is focused on his mother. Her needs, not his partner’s, will be his priority. Naturally, this will result in his partner feeling ignored and unvalued.

She is married to one man but will constantly notice a third partner in her marriage. Although this other woman is her mother-in-law, she’d be having a very similar experience to what she would have if she had to share her man with another woman.

Very Early On

At the beginning of the relationship, she might not have realized how focused he was on his mother. Perhaps, she considered his focus a positive thing.

Maybe she believed that this showed how much he loved his mother and how caring he was. However, with the passing of time, it would have been obvious that this was a problem.

A Mixed Experience

In addition to feeling ignored and unvalued, she may feel deeply frustrated and angry about what is going on. On the other hand, there’d be times she will feel guilty and even ashamed. She will consider herself selfish.

In reality, she ought not to feel guilty or ashamed as her partner shouldn’t be so focused on his mother. Ultimately, she deserves to be with a man who will be there for her.

Denial

If she expresses her mind, her partner may minimize and/or dismiss her experience. He could say that she is being needy or that he has to be there for his mother at her point of loneliness or need. Right there, he gains power and will consider no need for change. His partner must have to put up with the relationship, or draw the line and end the relationship.

Consequential Thinking

If she has invested a lot of time or other resources in him, this could be the last thing that she wants to do. Deep down, she could believe that, with enough effort and time, she will be able to change him.

But, if there is no sign that he is willing to change, she will probably be wasting her precious energy and time. If it’s clear that he won’t change, one thing she could do to get herself moving is to think about what her life will be like if she is in the same position some 365 days away.

A Role Reversal

When it comes to the man, it could be said that he will be behaving more like his mother’s father than her son. The truth is that he is on this planet to live his own life and this is something that his mother should encourage.

So, the fact that he is unable to do this and his mother is happy for him to focus on her is likely to show that something didn’t go as it should have gone during his early years. Most likely, this was a stage of his life when he was, quite simply, used by his mother to fulfill her unmet adult and childhood needs.

Forced To Fulfil a Role

His needs would have generally been ignored and he would have been forced to take care of his mother’s needs. Out of his need to survive and his inability to do anything that was going on, he wouldn’t have had a choice.

This would have caused him to lose touch with his true self and to develop a false self, with his false self being a consequence of what would allow him to please his mother. Another part of this is that his father probably wasn’t around, and even if he was, it is unlikely that he was emotionally available.

A Key Part

If he was available, he would have played a part in separating him from his mother when he was about three years old. This would have been part of the individuation process; something would have allowed him to gradually live his own life.

But, as he was used by his mother to fulfill her emotional needs as opposed to taking care of his emotional needs, he wouldn’t have been able to develop a sense of self, which would have prepared him to start this process, and neither will he have received what he needed to start this process. He will then look like a man but he will be developmentally stunted, as he didn’t receive what he needed in order to grow and develop in the right way.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. Please consult one today.

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